update: officially unemployed.

wow its been a long time

in the past few months, ive been focusing on my undergraduate thesis which very very perplexing (kinda). However, i did it! i finally passed the test!

so, in my faculty, there are 3 steps you have to take before you graduate. 

First, the proposal seminar ive done it in October. 

Second, the results seminar in December and,

the last is the comprehension test which i took on 26th December.

FYUUUUH! it was so tense! i thought im not gonna make it!

but here i am... now its 2020!

i cant believe im going to be "a real adult" after this, you know working, working, career, investment, savings, etc.

i was so honored being myself, cause i completed my undergraduate level in 3.5 years, which i never expected, truly.

however, the distress starts here.

find a job

build a career

make money

living

eat

anxiety

stress

etc

etc

etc

i currently just sitting here in front of my laptop and writing, and no job.

you know what? i envy most people who have a job. they doing something and get paid. 

      

                           i envy

    

                           i envy people who go hang out with their co-workers

                           i envy people who have a deadline

   

                           i envy people who commute to work by MRT 

                           i envy people who did not active on Instagram because doing their job

                           i envy

well, it might be repulsive of me comparing myself to other people's bustles. i think it is the time for myself (or yourself) after graduating, to compare yourself to others IN ORDER to motivation and inspiration.

NOT THAT it is not to plagiarise or steal people's ideas or traits, but you compare yourself to get to know you.

lets see,

now, i did not know what is best for myself. i feel like everything is jumbling up on my mind.  all of sudden, i could get motivated to do everything (drawing, singing, even planning a city lol). yet, other minutes i could be agitated and perturbed by myself because of 

*i.. dont.. have.. a job..* yet.

despite being bitter towards myself, i enjoy searching through the internet world particularly YouTube and Tumblr. after i looked for several people's activities, i am thinking about doing what they do BUT NOT THE EXACT SAME as them. maybe i can start something like blogging? legit periodically blogging or idk. i love seeing people when they write something especially history or their past activities who might inspire others. maybe i can start it too? by being myself absolutely.

SO, let's see what i look like after this. do i become something? someone prosperous? and beautiful and alluring? *wink* *wink*

and of course, not a jobless-despondent-unappealing self. <- this was actually what im scared of being an adult) 

I AM GOING TO BE WELL. AMEN.

ps. im still waiting for the emails that change my life. (company's replies)