Fighting the unreal (intangible things)

When we fight, we tend to have something to fight for, to win over and I can call it the objectives, or else what would you fight for something unworthy of you? argumentation sometimes likely included, even physically (this one is not what I hope to have happened), so fighting might need a lot of energy, strategic moves, and maybe several strong words if it comes to mouth-to-mouth argumentation.

However, fighting over something can be called a competition (I mean in a good way). Most of the time, to win prizes likely money, or sum up those collective expensive materials to have and brag about. Competition sounds logical and impartial, also professional to me personally. It looks more formal and directed. It looks like the prize is big and worthy.

But what to call when it comes to a moment where you NEED to take back what was stolen from you? Fight or compete? I can say, fight. Why? Cause you deal with a stealer, why on earth do we need to compete with a stealer? They did not even deserve to have it, that’s why they stole. That moment can be hard for some people, cause it really needs a lot of patience, control, strategy, and support. And it is hard for me, too.

Took a very long time for me to realize that several of myself were ..gone. At first, I thought it was part of growing up when some things were shifting and changing (including your physical features), but I think it was not. I still feel those in me but something is controlling over. Like you are the sims. You were controlled, but not by your own. My self-control is stolen. Some things, I can’t even peek at.

What did I do, then?

I’ve tried to let it happen several times, but I think I can’t stand it anymore. Those things put me in a nose-dive down. I can’t even fight, cause; 

I did not know how. I did not know who. I did not know what. 

However, that was then.

I was not in a good form, well I think I did not need the be at my best form, cause being on a track where you know yourself and what you are facing is more than the best. Then i've come to realize who I fought with all the time.

It was me. It was myself.

I was letting myself be controlled. 

I was letting myself not have strong boundaries. 

I was letting myself be pitied. 

I was letting myself drown in the past. 

I was letting myself whine while not having a forward mindset. 

I was letting myself not believe who I was. 

I was letting myself not believe what I was capable of. 

I was letting myself believe my own negative thoughts. 

I was letting myself live in a darkness. 

I was letting myself down. 

I was letting myself to lost. 

I was letting myself not have healthy food. 

I was letting myself not have exercise. 

I was letting myself live in fear. 

I was letting myself be at war ..with myself.

However, this is now.

I can’t say I am fixed now, cause I was not broken. 

I was just letting myself slip a bit. 

I was just letting myself be controlled. 

I was just letting myself not be myself.

I am now have stronger boundaries. 

I am now letting myself have my own fence.

I am now letting myself say no.

I am now letting myself feel peace.

I am now letting myself know myself well.

I am now letting myself be fed healthily.

I am now letting myself be kind to myself.

I am now letting myself grow.

I am now letting myself feel better.

I now believe in myself for what I am capable of. 

I am now letting myself speak up.

I am now letting myself angry when I need to. 

If I can, you can too. 

With love.