taking decisive actions

growing up broken-hearted is usual. i believe everyone is going through the same sh-t in their lives, at least when they are growing up (context: adulting).

past and childhood traumas play a big effect on me and maybe you and i don't know why oh why that happened to us when we did not even deserve it. i hate these words, but maybe everything happens for a reason might be correct. however, i thank myself for beginning to take decisive action though it was hard and confusing cause we never know what will happen and what are we going to face afterward, so you need to be prepared for what is coming and being a double-triple-thinker cause you need a backup plan. 

you got some, you lose some.

risks are always there for any options in your life just like Netflix's choose your own adventure, and ta-da that is life. you cannot be seriously arrogant about the outputs cause most of the time it wasn't as good as your expectations. it might be better & best or less & worst. so, expecting less or expecting nothing might be a better choice for us, but that doesn't mean you can't hope and wish cause good results are the gasoline of your actions. just do it and just do good.

honestly, being a risk-tasker is not really me. cause I believe with my own naivety that everything will be good just like my utopian fantasies (i grew up with my own world in my fantasies, and that is not good). and adulthood slaps me right in the face. it slapped me.

when you grow, everything will not be smooth. Everything will not be good. yourselves, environment, financial ability, health, love life, what else idk; those are barely walking in sync, and that is the challenge that you have to take decisive actions to make it looks fine. sync. fit.

besides of risks of your own action, there will be unexpected things you can't avoid; death, accident, and disease. these are unavoidable and let's just put up our faith and let God do good for us.

sincerely at this current time, i can say that i am at the worst form of myself. can't explain what, why, and how because i just can explain you know. not that i did not want to explain, but i don't know how. and for now, just like Nike said, just do it.

most of the time, i am afraid of what i am going to face even the small ones like facing people in public transport. i am scared i might find a killer and end up dead in the dump. or i am afraid that my idea on work is not working. or i am scared that i might hurt someone by my action or words though i have anticipated any kind of bad/unpleasant coming from me. in short, i am worried over something stupid while i have already my own faith and life story. i mean, if i was killed by a psychotic killer, maybe that is my fate. if my idea is not good, maybe that is my fate and i can find other ideas as well. if i act & say something unpleasant, i can apologize because nobody's perfect and i can try better next time.

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OH! it is all in my head!

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hmm... i know why. my head is the devil here.

there always be ways to cope when something happened, but sometimes our heads just there creating their own evil narrative resulting in the reluctance to continue or to solve.

so Nike was right, just do it. never let your head gives you a glimpse of evilness cause maybe they are the ones who stop to continue forward? to make you afraid? to create a lot of what-if statements? to romanticize anything? maybe it was all only in your head.

what if got the worst result? - it is fine, you have tried. evaluate, plan, and do better next time.

what i everyone hates me? - well, everyone has their own rights to love & hate, and you do too and be good.

what if someone disrespected me while i have respected them? - walk away, cause why oh why did you stay? you already did your thing to respect.

Okay, let's just eliminate what-if questions cause it is all not worth your time.

taking decisive actions to be firm, steady, and disciplined might be hard but that doesn't mean you can't.

however bear in mind, that you are just a human. your not a super-dupper creature. your time and energy is limited.

you have rights to ignore

you have rights to cry

you have rights to stand up for yourselves

begin to take decisive actions for your sake of your own. cause who will?