hi there, how are you? it is been a while since i wrote something on this blog which i am sure it did not matter to everyone hahahaha
i wanna talk about something but please i need you to be impartial
since i was graduated, i had these strong and high goals for my future (read: career) the objectives? of course to live my life well (money matters). look, since i was like 15 i had this dream of being a woman who lives well, paying bills on my own, grocery shopping, wine on Saturday night, driving Audi Q9 alone on the way to work, etc. well, i already done the 2nd point tho, and it kinda sucks lol
in short, i want to as independent as i could be. that's the word.
If as a child i was part of a tree, now i have been plucked by natural selection. i have detached from the main tree. now, i am on my own.
That is me.
as a newly planted petite plant, all i need is supports to become useful. from me to me, and from surroundings to them also. get it? if no, let me explain.
Plants need water, sun, and fertilizer in order to grow well. They actually still can grow without them, but they will just ...grow.
Let say you are a plant. a newly planted plant. you will still grow, but what you would be like?
so, you need those 3 things in order to make you well and "guaranteed". And, not all plants can get that ((as well as humans. (surprisingly, most wild plants are beautiful yet hazardous))
3 things are supports. i did have those, but now it already seemed like unfilled. AND i will fill myself with those remainings, i need to grow.
but reality says ...hold on. there are process(es) we need to encounter. And, grappling with reality is not as simple as you daydreaming singing in oscar. You cannot just magically grow into a big tree in a night, there are things (mostly unpleasant) we have to deal with ...that is not easy.
i have just finish my ted-talk-night-inspiring-spectacle-to-get-myself-inspired routines here. I found this words, another input for my journey ahead!
but, as i read that, one of things i have asked myself is my purpose, like exactly my purposes and goals in life. not like i want to become a princess, i want to be rich, i want to be famous ..no no not these kinds. i mean goals to..
a meaningful life
a meaningful life
a meaningful life
how can i reach the finish line when i do not even know the purposes?? how can i know whether this and that is discomfort as the price for a meaningful life or it was just a cramp. (weirdo, checked.)
when i talked bout plants up there (from me to me, and from surroundings to them also) perhaps i have realized the scheme of my goals and purposes. i want to be useful for me and my surroundings. refer to the 3rd paragraph, i may sound certain bout my dreams, but those just sound so selfish and egoistic.
If i am a plant right now, i may look pathetic cause ...i do not know which tree i will become.
pisang ke cemara ke beringin ke mangga.. tak tau lah
i i i do not know yet... i just want to be good, live well, be healthy, and useful. and now, it feels like .. i dont know... feel small and weak and stupid
...completely incomplete.
I need water, sun, and pupuk.
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