Becoming an Adult.

Stressed, depressed, confused. 3 words describe me rn as I am twenty now. When i was 15, i had a dream where i can live by my own, bright career, living in a big city, doing 9 to 5 job, living in my own apartment, shopping without looking at the price tag, i can do whatever i want, i can drink as much as i want, i can drink a lot of heineken -just kidding- (well, this is not my favorite beer), i can drive by myself, or i can take MRT/LRT everywhere i can, i can buy my own phone, i can produce my own money, i can build my business, can do groceries shopping, i can do exercises, i can buy my lovely dream car Audi Q7, i can buy first class airplane ticket, i can stay in 6-stars hotel, i can go to a meeting, i can do my me-time at coffee shop doing my research for the company, i can use my own card, basically everything. it seems so nice to live as an adult portrayed in certain movies. well, my life is not a movie. this is real, sweety. it is hard. very hard. im on my 5th semester in my university where idk what im learning since this department is NOT my passion, yea i went to the wrong place, i think. but yeah im already here, i am almost at the finish line. while im in this semester, i still don't know what im going to be after graduate! see? how useless i am. i feel bad to my parents who always give me all good facilities. i feel so bad, when im thinking about how my parents' hardwork to make sure that ME will get number 1 life as they wished and expected. i expected that too. i want my life perfect, well not so perfect. at least i can produce my own money and getting a good career. my dad expected me to move to another country, because he thought im not going well if i work here. yes, i thought about that too, so i prepared everyhting to get that. it does not mean that my country does not have a bright future, but the people. i just cant with the people. okay, back to the first thing i have said about becoming an Adult. becoming an Adult in real life are not the same as in the sims. honestly, i always using a cheat when im playing the sims (that, motherlode cheats to get a lot of money). i cant use that now. bye motherlode. being an adult, is hard because you have to pay bills, you need to save money for an unpredictable things, you also need to learn (again), you might face many different character people, you will face a heartbreak, you will face a liar, you might face your killer boss, you might face a hypocritical people and a lot of things that made me realized that i am only myself, i am alone. im on my way to my adulthood world, where i got something that made me believe that you can't trust people, easily. fyi, im the type of person who can trust easily because i believe people are good people. so, a lot of not-really good people who knew that i trust and believe them as a good people would take advantage of me. they will always tryin to get my help over everyhting because they know i will accpet their offer, however not this time. i recently learn how to say no. it is hard, but at least now i can do it. BUT that does not mean i won't help people who need my help, no no i still helping people (if i can, without everyone knows -well, now you know-). i am the type of person who can easily talk to people and making jokes with them, but now it feels like im living in a façade. when I'm sad, I cannot show them my sadness because I always think that my duty is to amuse and entertain people, so when it comes to the time that I show my sadness, I felt guilty. idk why it is weird rite?. being an adult is free, I know its good. but, it is HARD. I promise I will continue this because I have to sleep omg it is already 10pm and I need to go to my dreamland. bye, bear in mind, i will back.